I’m just gonna come right out and say it: coolness is highly
overrated. In fact, I can’t think of a
single good thing being cool has ever gotten me. I can, however, think of several not-so-good
things that the effort to be cool has gotten me, including but not limited to:
chaffed skin from my unfortunate leather pant rocker chick phase, barfing in
Shane Black’s backyard trying to prove Kentucky girls can hold their Makers
Mark (they can’t), and the number one most embarrassing moment of my career in
front of a legendary television mogul. That’s right, in an effort to portray
just how cool and relaxed I was at my network test for an Aaron Spelling pilot,
(with the man himself seated on the world’s longest couch sandwiched between twelve
very serious men in suits) I sauntered into the room, saw the chair in the
center, and casually flopped into it as I would do in my own home. But it was
not my own home, it was the biggest audition of my life, and as such, I was
dressed to impress in my shortest skirt (this was the 90’s when good old Ally
McBeal had made postage stamp minis all the rage) and so, the result of my
apathetic flop paired with my mostly bare legs created a pocket of air that
when slapped between my thighs and the leather seat reverberated across the
room in the loudest fart noise imaginable. Yes.
You heard me right. And so did
they…
I fake farted in front of The Aaron Spelling.
And the worst part was, no one laughed. The suits were all
much too cool to admit just how hilarious it was, and I was too terrified at
having lost my street cred to even acknowledge what happened. Which was a real
shame – if I had it to do over again, I would’ve kept flopping down on that
chair making fart noises until they finally cracked and all the awkwardness
would’ve just melted away in a sea of laughter.
Because in my experience, awkwardness is almost always a direct result
of people holding too tightly to some persona they want to portray instead of
just being themselves, goofs and all.
As you can see, being cool hasn’t been very cool to me, but
being uncool has given me some truly spectacular moments. In fact, pretty much any time I have gone out
on a limb as the world’s biggest dork, I have been rewarded with true greatness
– like the time I saw a movie filming down the street and I went over to the
set like an overeager beaver at the chance to see an actual movie set – and
ended up being invited to sit on Kirk Douglas’s lap, who said, and I quote,
“Tell me Kara, could you ever love a man who slurred?” Uh yes, yes I could, especially if that man’s
name happens to be Spartacus!
Or there was the time I auditioned to play Tom Selleck’s
daughter for a new show and I spent my entire session with the casting director
gushing about how my grandmother had a framed picture of him on the wall as if
he were a part of the family so I grew up thinking he was my uncle – and it was
that silly story that got me a screen test with Magnum himself, and while I
didn’t end up getting the job, I got to act with one of my favorite stars,
which was pretty freaking great.
Truly, every time I’ve abandoned cool reserve in favor of exuberant
and unapologetic me-ness it has garnered a memorable experience. From giddy conversations with Dick Van Dyke
to cartwheels in front of Stonehenge, from making sappy videos declaring my
love for my boyfriend (now husband) in a refusal to play hard to get, to
selling huge pitches off my willingness to make fun of my own mortifying
moments – my favorite memories have been born of utter foolishness.
As a friend of mine astutely said, it’s not love unless
you’re willing to make a fool of yourself for it.
Sure there are times when going out on a limb and letting
your fool flag fly does not go over like you’d hoped, (Tom Cruise and couch
jumping come to mind, as do Sean Young and a certain feline superhero) but
that’s when you’ve just got to laugh and realize at least you’ll have a great
story to tell at parties. Because to me, it is better to have been a dork and failed
then to have lived a flat boring life in your fortress of coolitude. And in the
end, being unapologetically authentic will win you the level of success and
respect that only those who are willing to risk looking foolish can earn – just
look at those dorks Lucas and Spielberg!
So go ahead and start a conversation about Carl Sagan and
the possibility of space travel with Jodie Foster when you see her standing
alone at some stuffy event; apply to go back to college and get your masters
degree even if you’re a decade older than everyone else; write that script
you’ve been secretly dreaming of even if the whole world says you’d be a fool
to do it. And for goodness sake, embrace
the faux farts when they happen – it may not be cool, but I guarantee you life
will be a whole lot more fun when you do.
