Voltaire called it “divine flatulence”, Faulkner claimed
never to have seen it for himself, Updike believed it arrived as a package at
your doorstep, and Jack London advised going after it with a club. Inspiration has been a highly sought
commodity for the artist since, well, the beginning. The ancients believed muses were responsible
for doling it out which explained why it could be so elusive and even finicky,
leaving the poor mortal feeling like some magic life-giving tonic was being
held just outside his grasp. And so,
over time, we artists have spent mountains of time and money searching the
globe (or at least the internet) in the frenzied pursuit of the powerful elixir.
My own office looks as it an inspiration piñata had exploded
all over it – there are stacks of books by my favorite authors filled with
highlighted passages for easy reference, the walls are plastered with framed
poems and colorful art and plaques touting famous quotes all designed to
dispense an inspiring word at a glance. I
keep a journal of inspirational phrases close by for easy access, and if they
aren’t quite getting the job done, all I have to do is pull up Facebook or Twitter
to give me an instant inspiration fix when I’m jonesing.
That’s why this week it occurred to me, I am an inspiration
addict. And the problem with addiction
is that it warps your mind into believing that what you need to survive is
somewhere outside of yourself, something to be grasped or purchased or fought
for. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not
saying that it is a bad thing to be inspired by a book or movie or someone
else’s words from time to time. But when
it becomes a fulltime pursuit, an insatiable appetite, a grasping dependence on
“the other” to make you whole, that’s when it is time to take a step back and
just breathe.
In fact, the word “inspire” comes from the Latin word inspirare which can be broken down to “in
-- in + spirare -- to breathe.” That’s
right – to inspire literally means to breathe in. That’s why it is called inspire, not
outspire. If you think about it, we
would never depend on someone else to breathe for us! We have all the breath we need in our very
own lungs. True, sometimes illness
necessitates external breathing help, whether from tubes or inhalers, but by
and large we are designed to breathe from deep within our own selves. And so too, I believe, we are meant to take
the time to get quiet with ourselves on a regular basis, to allow the
inspiration to bubble up from the spring at the center of each of our
hearts. To listen to that still small
voice that the bible describes as the voice of God.
I know there are times when the well feels dry, when the cup
seems empty and we are so desperate and thirsty that we search high and low for
someone or something out there to fill us up.
I have experienced it recently myself after the death of my beloved pet
and a heartbreaking miscarriage. I found
writing to be a chore and my creativity felt completely tapped out. Panicked, I began reading three of my
favorite books at the same time, I listened to backlogs of sermons, flipped
through my archives of Oprah magazines and watched more Ted Talks than I can
count…but instead of quenching my thirst for inspiration, the words seemed more
like so many grains of sand than water.
Tired and numb to the colors splashed all over my walls, I
tossed my books aside and flopped into my armchair. My dog took it as an invitation to jump into
my lap, so I acquiesced and we sat there, for the better part of an hour, just
breathing. I closed my eyes and felt my
breath and that’s when the thought came to me -- when the well runs dry,
sometimes you just need to dig a little deeper to discover what you needed was
there all along, just under the surface.
I believe there is a call placed within each of our hearts, but when we
focus all of our attention on listening to everyone else’s voice, we sometimes
fail to hear our own.
So instead of going after the mirages in the desert, those
false promises of water just beyond your reach… hunker down, dig deep, and
discover what it is that you want to
say. Stop looking for outspiration -- breathe
and find your inspiration. Be your own
muse.
No comments:
Post a Comment