Party for two

I'm thankful that when I couldn't go out to the party, my dear friend Ashley brought the party to me...equipped with a bottle of wine and a bag full of magazines to go through and rip out pictures of hair color we'd like to try if we had the guts and outfits we'd like to buy if we had the money. I also loved watching Pretty Woman for the umpteenth time and quoting it with her word for word. Friendship is a powerful medicine:)

Quiet Friday night

I was watching America's Funniest Videos tonight and saw one of the cutest things ever...this tiny little pig (quite gleefully and on purpose) hurled himself down a hill so he rolled all the way down straight into a muddy pond. Just the happiest little pig in the world:) My little piggy puppies are pretty happy too as they get the rare privilege of lying in bed with me...they can tell it's special, like when you're a child and you get to sit on one of the fancy couches (the one with the delicate flower print fabric) in the living room that you only get to go in when your parents have guests. The rules probably wouldn't have been quite so strict if you hadn't spilled nail polish remover all over the nice coffee table. Not that you would ever admit to such a thing...

Remembering to breathe

Still in my pink pajamas
as the sun begins to set
I crawl out of my bed
like a half baked butterfly
my wings are not yet grown
so I stretch out my arms
stepping out into the dimmed rays
and I gulp in the air
like a goldfish who's been plopped
back into his bowl
after having flopped unto the
cold kitchen floor
I drink the wind like water
and it tastes sweet
like honeysuckle and hope
sometimes I forget to breath
but not tonight

Glimpse of Grace

Last night was quite a doozy, floored me with one heck of a migraine, so I wasn't able to look at my computer screen. I am so thankful it's morning...after a long, hard night, the light of a new day always brings such promise. But I am thankful for something that happened last night too -- a glimpse of grace in the midst of pain. I was lying in bed, cold washcloth on my face, the room quiet and dark, when i was given such a beautiful vision it is hard to describe. I felt the room, warm and glowing, like sun on your skin when you lie on the beach, and then I felt hands holding me up, lifting me towards the light. It sounds incredibly cheesy, but in that moment, it was one of the most beautiful things that's ever happened to me, because they were the hands of everyone who loves me. Mom and dad at my shoulders, my husband cradling my head, my whole family and my friends holding up each bit of me so I was surrounded by love and supported -- and for those brief few moments, the pain went away and all I felt was the love and warmth and hope of it all. I actually cried. Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and loving me. It means more than you know. And I thank God for the grace to know it and feel it -- such experiences can carry you though a lot.

A sturdy limb

It brought me great joy today that after having gone out on a limb a couple of months ago and emailing a writer I respect and admire very much and asking him, perhaps naively, perhaps audaciously, to read my work -- that he not only emailed me back, but he read my work and even said it was wonderful. Is there any greater word than "wonderful"! Here I had been so embarrassed after having sent that email and realizing what a risk it was, and then I felt so foolish putting myself out there, practically setting myself up for failure -- the wish that I could take it back growing stronger every week that went by. And then, today, as unexpected as a clear night in LA, a reply popped up in my in box. How nervous I was to read it! And then to have it be such a lovely and encouraging letter back -- well, I am very grateful -- grateful for my sudden streak of boldness and grateful for his taking the time to read and answer.

More popcorn, please!

One of the perks of being sequestered mainly to my room lately is that I've really been catching up on a bunch of movies. Random movies. Moves you wouldn't think to watch if you weren't bored in bed and ad already seen every episode of House Hunters ever made. Tonight we watched SECRET OF MY SUCCESS with Michael J Fox (who looks like he's about 13 even though he's playing 24) his freckles were especially adorable in the close ups and we laughed through the whole movie. You gotta love 80's movies for their saxophone driven scores and multiple montages, for their bold optimism that if you're cute you can get away with literally anything, and for the fact that the women wore oversized blazers while the men wore skinny ties -- made every woman look like a total amazon. I watched GUYS AND DOLLS last night and was blown away that the enigmatic Marlon Brando decided to do such a bright shiny musical. His smoldering sexiness and angst sticks out like a sore thumb amidst the cotton candy pink and dopey faced character actors -- and when he sings -- well, it's as if you've spied the pope dancing a jig, just seems out of place. We also watched the new Nicholas Sparks movie with Miley Cyrus, and I gotta say, when you're in the mood for predictable sentimentality and more than a few manipulated tears, Mr. Sparks is your guy. And then after all of the fluff, it was time to get downright serious with THE BOOK OF ELI. I don't know how he does it, but Denzel Washington is absolutely captivating whenever he's on the screen, I can't look away -- he is pure intensity and power. You have to be to carry a movie like that. I still can't stop thinking about it -- definitely not for the faint of heart. Finally, I watched my favorite of all of them -- one of my top five movies for sure -- SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION. What a beautiful love story, what a parable of hope. That makes me cry real, well earned tears. Movies are still magic to me, even after having worked in this business for so long, and for that, I am truly grateful:)

Lessons on a summer night

I love the boldness of the climbing vines
as they reach towards the heavens
Love the sturdy unselfconciousness of stucco
with it's purposeful imperfections
I love the dogged determination
of the pup as he tries to eat a rock
and the efficiency of the tomatoes
as they grow smaller as it gets hotter
I love the resilience of the far rose bush
when all the others have given up
Love that the squirrel dug up 18 peanuts
he'd been saving for winter
and ate them all today instead
I love the patient stillness of the sycamore
its leaves poised to dance
even when there is no hint of a breeze
and the stubborn mountain
standing up against the smog in silhouette
Declaring I am here, I am here

Mr. Birch

I went for my first walk around the block in a while today, which is certainly something to give thanks for. I'm also grateful for the beauty of the trees...we saw one molting today, just like a snake, its bark coming off in large sheets leaving a smooth, white beautiful surface underneath. And I couldn't help but reach out and take a piece of the thin greyish bark with it's peachy underside because I had the overwhelming urge to write a poem on it. As if I were some kind of ancient person, before paper was invented. It was an extraordiany feeling to think about how I probably would have been a storyteller in whatever era I was born in -- I use a computer now, I could've used bark a thousand years ago, or maybe I would've just told stories around the fire even longer ago than that. I haven't felt much like writing while I've been sick these past few weeks -- but I feel invigorated and inspired and I feel as if that tree was offering a piece of itself just for me. So, thank you Mr. Birch.

Haiku for late summer

The breeze tickles trees
Laughing gaily are the leaves
I smile and then sneeze
:)

PT

I went to the physical therapist today who was adorable and smart -- and young. She told me she had to wear a beeper, which made her laugh because she was born in 1980 and was only like 5 when they first came out. I felt old. Then she told me I was a lazy walker and that she liked working with people like me who had so many different contributing factors to my pain because it was a challenge and she likes a challenge. Maybe it doesn't sound like something to be thankful for or to find joy in, but after she poked and prodded and pulled and pushed me in every direction, she pronounced happily that she would have me good as new in 8 weeks -- 5 if I worked really hard. I could've kissed her. But she was married -- to an indie director apparently. She gave me his card. Ah, Hollywood:)